People always say that you shouldn't wait around to be invited, that you should join in and have fun. That's so impossible for a person with social anxiety, I wish people understood this.
All through first year of university, I would assume I was intentionally not invited to hang out in someone's room or in the neighbours flat. I know this is not the case, that people just think if she wanted to hang out - she would come and join in. My thoughts aren't rational, I cannot control this. I find it incredibly difficult to walk into a room and feel confident that I am wanted there.
Something that really hurts me, is the fact that people do not understand this. I would never wish anyone to have anxiety, but I want there to be a way for people to understand. I want there to be a way for there not to be such a stigma around anxiety and mental health issues that people feel comfortable in being open about it, and not feel ashamed. I see people on my Facebook that do feel comfortable sharing this, and I envy them. I suffered for years without telling a single soul, and once my family knew... then my doctor who urged me to open up to friends.
When telling the people around me, I seemed to play it down. And that has resulted in people thinking I get nervous 'every now and again', so I get the reaction of 'Me too!' I don't think many people realise that my anxiety stops me from leaving my room sometimes, that daily life can be so difficult because the anxiety controls every part of me now. Nothing feels simple and easy.
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